Learn how to live more peacefully



Last week we looked at the advantages of listening to the messages our emotions might be trying to tell us, of paying attention to them rather than ‘shooting the messenger’. There are several approaches in mindfulness for dealing more effectively with our emotions, and today we will look at one which is taught by well-known meditation teachers such as Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach, best known under its acronym RAIN.

RAIN is a four step process which can help us transform how we approach our emotions. Sometimes this process is best done with the support of a teacher or therapist, or, if the emotions feel manageable and we have some experience with meditation, we can also do this on our own. The four letters of RAIN stand for:

Recognition: The first step is to pause, tune in, and recognise the experience for what it is. We might be feeling unmotivated, and recognise that underneath our lethargy is a feeling of hurt and discouragement. Or we might be tetchy with our family, and when we take some time out we realise that an incident at work has left us more shaken than we realised. It’s not always easy to recognise what our emotions are, but over time, with regular meditation and other practices, we can become more skilled at this.

Acceptance: In some ways, this is perhaps the most difficult step. It’s natural to have feelings of aversion to unpleasant circumstances, including challenging emotions. Acceptance sounds passive, as if we’re helpless victims of our circumstances. In fact, it’s a very active way of engaging with our lives. Acceptance doesn’t mean we don’t work towards changing a situation for the better. But just in this moment, we accept the emotions we have – we accept that they are present.

Investigation: This is our opportunity to look more deeply into the emotion. In mindfulness, we do this by investigating our experience of body sensations, our feelings, our thoughts, images and beliefs. It’s not an intellectual or philosophical process, but rather one which is grounded in our moment-to-moment experience.

Non-identification: We have a tendency to over-identify with our emotions. I am a happy person. I am an angry person. It’s more helpful to say ‘having a thought that I’m angry’, or ‘feeling butterflies in my stomach with excitement’. Emotions come and go like weather in the sky – we are much more spacious than a temporary emotion passing through.

Processes like this take time, but it’s time well spent. Feeling more effective in dealing with our emotional life can give us a great sense of confidence. And gradually, as we get to know ourselves better, we can use this process even in the midst of a hectic day. ‘Ah yes,’ we can say to ourselves when a familiar emotion arises, ‘here it is again, trying to pass on its message.’

Weekly practice idea:

Take twenty minutes or so to use the RAIN process to investigate an emotion you have been aware of lately. Try to start with a low-key emotion rather than a really intense one.

Anja Tanhane